the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
