I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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