can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
