she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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