how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
