Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
