thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize