my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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