Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
