he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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