I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
