The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
