just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
