We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
