She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
