My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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