I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
