Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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