I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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