just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Randomize
