There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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