apparently the secret to your success is patron
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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