i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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