Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Randomize
