there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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