Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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