I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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