If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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