I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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