she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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