Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
