btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
