somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
