Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
