Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
