I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
