Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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