just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
