I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
