Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
