Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
