Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I DEMAND FORESKIN
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
