My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
