why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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