The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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