4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
did i walk over a car last night?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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