Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I would ride that face into the sunset
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
