Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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