Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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