think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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