I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
