i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
