You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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