Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
