too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
