I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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